I’m feeling a bit off these days. I’ve been trying to blame the moon (full moon last week) and/or Mercury (retrograde hit yesterday), but I’m not so sure that’s the thing. Also…poor moon and Mercury. They get blamed for so many things that are just no-brainers. I kinda feel sorry for them.

The truth is (okay…MY OPINION IS…) that,  maybe, the lack of grounding is an internal clash. Something I can’t quite put my finger on, but something that just isn’t working anymore. I get like this sometimes, and it’s taken me quite a while to articulate it to myself in a way that makes me feel more at ease.

The fact is I believe it comes down to values.

Yep. Values. Not the moon. Not Mercury. Just me and my own set of beliefs and values creating all these challenges. Although I believe in the whole moon cycle/retrograde thing – I also believe in personal accountability. I can feel wonky on a full moon day, but how I react is really a choice. In other words, blaming the moon for my being an asshole seems…well…wrong and, dare I say, a bit emotionally immature.

Maybe…just maybe…we can explore this together. So, grab a drink and settle in. Let’s get real about this, and let’s kick off the conversation with a doozy of a statement.

If you’re experiencing inner disturbance it could be because of a lil’ ol’ thing called “values-clashing.”

Values-Clashing? Huh?

Here’s an example:

If you say you value ‘family’ but your job keeps you from going to your daughter’s ballet recital and son’s football games more often than not, then your value and what your company expects you to value are out of synch.

Here are three ways value-clashing shows up for many of us.

1. You value peace, but you find yourself anxious and argumentative most of the time. This shows up for me with social media. I typically only log in to FB three times a day. I do the following: Say happy birthday to whomever it applies, check to see if anyone experience a ‘loss’ and acknowledge that, and lastly, promote my work or my efforts in volunteerism. That’s it. I don’t care who is or who isn’t vaccinated. I don’t care which political yay-who is doing whatever, and I certainly don’t put my two cents in regarding gas prices. But. I used to. Until I realized it stole my peace. Now I don’t. (I also ‘unfriend’ like I’m decluttering my pantry. I just don’t have time for chaos.)
   
2. You spend money on things that deplete the funds you could use to develop/gain insight into what makes you happy. Okay – let’s be clear. I’m going to sound a bit ‘classist’ here because I get that if you make $10/hour, you probably have to work A LOT to simply make ends meet. But those of you with disposable income…who complain about not having the money to (fill in the blank)…I wanna let you in on something. Cutting out lattes and Netflix will only get you so far. You are most likely spending too much on housing, vehicles, and toys – and paying for all that it entails keeping those assets maintained (and I use the term ‘assets’ loosely because, well, because.) I recently purchased an above-ground pool and that thing is needy. So. Very. Needy. I don’t regret it yet, but it’s starting to feel like I might.
   
3. Where you spend your time and money will most likely point to what you value – and if it doesn’t, then you are in the midst of a clash in values. If you look at my bank account you can see that I value my son and his interests and my own self care. I give to charity because I appreciate being a contributing member of my community. I don’t spend much on housing because I don’t feel like this is a permanent situation for me. While my living situation isn’t ideal it does allow me to save money so that my next home is exactly what I want and need (My days of remodeling are over, I think to myself, as the guy in the kitchen continues banging on the boards to install new flooring.) I don’t want to live in southwest Missouri any longer than I have absolutely have to, so I’m making sacrifices as we speak so I can obtain the ideal space and place.  Until then, I value time with my kiddo and my own health and wellness. Check my account. You’ll find confirmation of this.

So, what do you value? Does your time, energy, and money display that clearly or are you feeling a clash? Are you in the middle of an inner disturbance that doesn’t seem comfortable? It very well could be the moon and that finicky mistress, Mercury. Or…it could be your Higher Self asking you to reevaluate and – God, I hate this word – pivot.

I found you a song. If you were kinda feeling that it’s time for change, then here’s your sign.

My favorite human turned nine this week, and we celebrated by choosing an Among Us theme. I don’t really even understand Among Us except that there’s an Imposter who is out to get everyone. There’s always one in the crowd, isn’t there?

Anyway, I remember his first birthday like it was yesterday. I almost had a nervous breakdown over the entire party thing. I was standing in Party City trying to determine whether I should go with the Elmo or the Toy Story theme. I kept second-guessing myself on the party subject matter. “Then again, we have a lot of stuffed ‘jungle’ animals, so maybe a safari or jungle theme with a lot of monkeys would be better. OH! Wait…he loves shapes and colors. Maybe shapes and colors themed party!”

Seriously. 

I almost cried in that store. I was so stressed and upset over having to choose that I left without purchasing anything that day for fear I’d go with the wrong theme and my little guy’s party would suck. Thankfully I was scheduled to have lunch with a friend. She reminded me that one-year-olds still need someone to wipe their butts, and the probability that he’d be scarred for life because his birthday party theme sucked was relatively small.

And she was absolutely right. I realized I was trying to impress the adults at the party with my super-mom skills, and those people don’t need me to impress them. They already know I do my best as his mom. No fancy cake required to prove that. So, as always, I asked myself, “How did I get here? I thrive on simplicity. What happened between my house and Party City that day?”

I’m reminded of these early days because I’m still finding tissue paper and Among Us stickers from the six children who invaded my home last weekend. I’m also thinking that birthdays – like anything else – can be celebrated in a fairly simple manner. In fact, last year, amidst COVID lockdown, we snuck one child in on a Friday and had pizza and cupcakes. Another friend came on Saturday for cheeseburgers and…yup…cupcakes. It was glorious, and they enjoyed themselves.

So – how can we make it simple? Well, grab a drink and settle in. I’m about to tell ya…

1. Stay out of the Party Stores. Seriously, a lot can be accomplished with a few white dishes or even white paper plates. I didn’t buy any decorations this year – at all. This post has some great ways to decorate from recycled (aka: already on hand) things.

2. Keep the cake simple. I suggest picking up a cake from the grocery store bakery or baking some cupcakes at home, but I’m not above dropping some change on a fancy cake. This year the cake and the cookies were the decorations for the entire get-together. I don’t feel bad about supporting an emerging local baker who did a fantastic job. BUT…my point is… I’ve made cakes before. Some were bakery-level awesome, and some were…well…not. Admittedly, at those times, my pal Betty Crocker made it a bit easier. So, case in point: Cake from a box is okay.

3. Only invite people who really matter. My son gets overstimulated when there are too many people in our home. In fact, halfway through his party, I realized he was missing. Sure enough…he was in his room, under the covers. He said, “It’s too peoply out there.” (He comes by this naturally, I can assure you.) The point is that his small group of close-knit friends understand this about him and partied on…without him. 

4. Don’t celebrate with a ‘party’ every year. I’ve made a big deal out of a few birthdays. Don’t even get me started on the massive Minecraft party I planned for his seventh birthday. It was a bit…um…over the top. But for a few years, things were a bit financially lean…and I’ll admit…those were my favorite. This year wasn’t fancy, but I’m thinking of going with even less: Hy-Vee cupcakes, pizza and Phelps Grove Park. End of story.

5. Skip the party favors. Ugh. I hate spending money on silly stuff that people will just throw away. If you must do party favors, follow this rule: If you can’t eat it or wear it, you don’t need it. I’m of the ‘eat it’ mindset, so I sent people home with Among Us cookies. As my friend and former blogger Kelly stated, “Nobody needs a bag full of trinkets and candy sent home with their kid, and you can save yourself a little bit of time, money, and stress. The fun time with friends is rewarding enough.”

As birthdays go…mine, too, was simple. I invited some pals, we had fajitas, and Michael Stanton Armstrong, a local musician, came in for a House Concert. Some of my favorite people were in that room with me that night and I’m still feeling the positive energy of the live music in my home. I always celebrate my birthday with friends, even if they are few, and it is usually pretty low key. I never regret hanging out with the folks I love on my birthday.

Welp. I’ve been digging around for a song to leave you with today and I thought we could start the weekend off with a toe-tapper. I liked it and hope you do, too. Tell me…

What’s your favorite way to celebrate your birthday?