minimalism

Gratitude Changes Everything

/ Denise / 2 Comments

Good morning, dear reader! It is the week of Spring break here in our cozy tiny Ozarks home, and I gotta say…it’s cold af. Spring break would be much easier if I didn’t have to come up with ideas for a ten-year-old boy who was INSIDE. However, there will be one day when the temps are supposed to get over 55* so I plan to take him to this Missouri phenomenon and wear his little booty out climbing all day.

Today we will just continue our little low-key and awesome staycation (My theme for the week. Catchy, huh?) with some indoor trampolines, painted pottery, and the quest for a good (non-Domino’s) cheese pizza. Fingers crossed.

As I was sitting in my chair this morning, I realized it had been since September that I took an entire week off from work, and then, well, we went to Disneyland and walked over 38,000 steps over two days. That, friends, was not a vacation. Vacation? The hills of Scotland, the shores of Norway…heck…flea markets in the middle of Mississippi and odd little bookstores in Salem, Massachusetts. No, folks, Disneyland wasn’t all I remembered it to be. (Can’t swing a week? Recharge with a planned mental health day. My favorite HR guy says “I don’t need to know what you do with your sick days.” Be that guy.)

But it is now 8:36 am this morning, and the kiddo is still sound asleep. The cats have found their sunny morning spot, and I find myself here – alone with my keyboard – thinking just how lucky I am to be alive and spend the days with my son.

Being grateful for the little things prepares us for when we seemingly ‘have it all,’ and it collapses. It’s easy to be bitter in those times of demise, but if we can continue with a daily practice of gratitude, it can get us through the hardest times. For example, in my lowest time – the most difficult financially and the most difficult as a parent – I was grateful for the church food pantry. I was grateful when a friend purchased me a microwave. I was grateful when another friend paid a deposit on my apartment. I was grateful for the times when people took my son for the day free of charge so I could recharge and not end up in an orange jumpsuit.

And I’ve been doing some research, friends. Yep. On gratitude. And I’ve learned that ‘an attitude of gratitude’ isn’t just some catchy bumper sticker thingy. There’s actually some neuroscience behind what this gratefulness thing does for you. Wanna learn more? Good.

Grab a drink. Settle in.

1) Being grateful improves sleep, mood, and immunity. But don’t take my word for it. The Mayo-freaking-Clinic did an entire study on this. The challenge is the brain is designed to problem-solve. It isn’t designed to be grateful. So, for example, if your car doesn’t start, your brain jumps immediately to how to get this to start so you can get to work on time. It doesn’t think, “Oh, well, great. I’m grateful for this extra time to meditate or start a load of laundry while I wait for the Uber driver.”

2) Grateful people are more generous. Think about Scrooge in Dicken’s novel. He was only grateful or generous once he was shown all the reasons he had in front of him to be both. Try stretching yourself a bit and putting yourself out there. Instead of donating money to the school’s project, ask if you can help implement it. Instead of clicking the stupid “hug” emoji when a friend expresses a need on Fakebook, how about calling them and asking them to lunch? (And being grateful when they decline. I’m kidding. Okay. I’m sorta kidding.)

3) Gratitude can be expressed even in your darkest hours. I know this personally. In my darkest days, the Universe placed me in several situations where I had direct contact with those who were unsheltered and families who were way, way, way below the poverty line. Yet, even though I was in a situation I never expected to be in, I was grateful for a roof over our heads and a car that got me to and from work. I was thankful for all the meals people took me to or prepared for me. I was grateful for a 30-gallon tote of ‘gently used’ boys’ size 4T. And I’m still thankful today. (Today, specifically, for coffee…heat…and a sleeping child.)

If you want to know more about the biology of gratitude, here’s the link to the Mayo Clinic article. And they even have a ‘month-long gratitude program’ if you, like me, are into that sorta thing or need the structure and accountability.

And, I leave you with a song from the 70’s. (I know you are grateful I’m not linking to Dido’s ‘Thank You’. – You’re welcome.) I had to giggle because the first comment on this video link is “It is scientifically impossible to be in a bad mood when listening to this band.” I don’t know about ‘scientifically impossible’ but pretty darn impossible, I’ll admit.

I Am What I Am

/ Denise / Leave a comment

Good morning, dear reader! I’m late to our gathering this week, I know. I just…well…I’m exhausted. The Full Moon in Virgo on Monday/Tuesday was fascinating, and good things are happening, but I. Am. Just. So. Tired. Nonetheless, Spring break starts next week, and my kiddo and I are planning some super fun things close to home. I’ll post more next week.

As I made my coffee this morning, my mind started wandering. I don’t know why I conjured up the day when Alton Brown taught me how to make “the best” french press coffee (the secret is salt!), but that’s what started this train of thought today. At some point in our lives, we see or hear things that change our lives. I have a Keurig, too, and will use it in times of emergency (French press coffee takes eight whole minutes, y’all. Sometimes that’s too long!) But, by and large, I like my FP coffee every day. With just a splash of cream if you’re taking notes (#Stalker).

I’ve experienced some exciting turns in my life that have changed my mind, adjusted how I live, corrected trauma responses, and so forth. And I bet some of you can relate.

So, what do you say? Wanna dig in? Okay, then.

Grab a drink. Settle in.

1) Learn more about who you are. I used to feel ‘weird’ because I didn’t really like people. I was a cheerleader back in the day; I was president of a few clubs, and I’ve been in leadership positions in my community and at my job. But the truth is people exhaust me. And the sad part is…I let others tell me that I was odd because of this, that I didn’t fit in. So I decided to really dig in and learn more about myself. The Myers-Brig indicates I am an INTJ. The DiSC test tells me I’m a high D with a bit of S. Not a hint of ‘I’ (the lover of people) in that one. The Strength-Finder assessment brought something exciting into the light (wait for it…): I have zero (Z E R O) “woo”. Bottom line? I’m a jeans and t-shirt girl. Make-up is for expensive dates only. Books over bros. Bookstores over bars. House concerts over dance clubs for this gal, all the way. Libraries over libations. I am not the least bit ‘fun,’ and I don’t care. Smart is sexy. I like smart. (There’s even a word for that.)

2) Question all you’ve ever known to be ‘the way it is’. Want to know something? When my grandfather died, we found a membership card of his – to the KKK. I mean, I knew him as a bit racist…but wow. I also live in one of Missouri’s ‘most Christian’ areas. And it’s also one of the most dangerous places for people of color and the LBGTQ+ community. I mean, I love Jesus, folks, and even I (the Christ-follower with three tarot decks and full moon rituals) think he’d be a bit disappointed in his fan club around here. It’s no wonder I feel closer to God now that I’ve officially left the church. (Bonus song: The Indigo Girls have a song for that!)

3) Sometimes, fear is our greatest motivator. I never wanted children because I never wanted to be a single mom. Weird, right? My parents never divorced, so I don’t know where this originated. I can’t help but wonder, though, that somewhere down in my psyche, I must have known I have lousy taste in men, and because I feared the inevitable, I just never wanted a child. Until I had one. And his father left. And I realized I do a pretty good job as a single parent. It improves me at work, in my community, and in his life. And I have some of that drive because I fear the “single mom” stigma. People often look at single mothers as if we are all poor and on food stamps because we can’t seem to make it without a man and wine. The wine part is genuine…but I’m not buying the rest. I get that Nintendo and Mario made a ton of money off the fact that the princess needed to be rescued…but I saved myself. Give me my damn crown.

4) Less is more. Yes, you knew this was coming. I embraced the concept of rational minimalism in 2011, and it’s taken me this long to stop apologizing for it. People who buy homes that are bigger than they need or cars that cost more than some people make in a year will never understand why I choose to live in 900 square feet with one skillet and three pairs of jeans although I have two master’s degrees and have a well-paying job. I’ve even left jobs that pay more because, well, I hated them. My car is five years old. My whiskey ‘collection’ is six bottles at a time, and if the weather is willing, I’d rather camp in my car than stay at a five-star hotel. And I make these choices because I want to give my son all that he needs and grant him experiences rather than hand him another toy that he did not earn. If people think I make these choices because I have to rather than choose to…well…that’s their issue, not mine.

5) The most important ‘soft skill’ is strong Emotional Intelligence. It only takes three deep breaths to begin resetting the frontal cortex and balancing the chemicals in your noggin. And it is so tough to control the urge to tell someone to go fuck themselves. I know because I used to do this a lot. But, a guy I dated (okay, to be fair, I’ve dated a lot of ‘these guys’) can’t seem to ‘practice the pause’ long enough to get his wits about him when he’s angry, and well, that’s why I don’t even speak to him anymore. (Isn’t it ironic that the tongue – one of the smallest muscles in the body – can do so much damage? Hmmm.) The point is, you don’t get to be mean every time you don’t get your way and then try to apologize with a statement resembling “That’s just how I get.” Hmmm. Well…“Get better then.” I’m not going to say I have my EI degree or anything. Sometimes I get hot under the collar, use inappropriate language at work, and lose sleep because of my anxiety. But I’m better than I used to be, and that is what counts. So. Google Emotional Intelligence and find whatever learning tool works best for you: YouTube, podcasts, books, whatever. Because, reader, the world needs more calm people under pressure. The world needs more nice people. The world needs more people who think before they speak. Be that person.

As we end today, I found you a song. I don’t know how it relates, but I think it does. It’s a song by Dalton Domino from a few years back. It’s about simply accepting who you are at your core…changing…getting better…and being okay with your wild and wonderful self. Take a listen and tell me what you think.

Five Unexpected Ways Simplicity Provides Freedom

/ Denise / 7 Comments

Good morning, Dear Reader! For all my complaining about the hot weather in the later months assigned to what we call ‘autumn’, I’m getting what I’m owed. Really. Freakin’. Cold. Weather. We went from summer to freezing our asses off in record time. Again – where is that one place that is between 50-70 degrees all year long?

Recently, I’ve been pondering the holidays. I’m faced with the challenge of coming up with something I ‘want’ because people ask. Truthfully, I don’t want anything that I couldn’t buy myself. And I haven’t bought it because I don’t want to clean it. Really. It’s true.

Some wait their entire lives for the feeling of contentment, and – I hope I don’t jinx it – I finally have it. I moved into a tiny home (not a tiny, tiny home…mine is 950 sq. ft) last August, and I could not be happier with the amount of space I have. I currently rent, and I realize the payments are steep, but it’s a good fit for us. At the same time, my kiddo finishes elementary school, where he started five years ago. He flourishes there, and I don’t want to be the person who yanks him out. So I’m doing my best to live in the “now”, which isn’t easy when others keep asking what’s next for us. 

I don’t fucking know, Karen. Mind your own business.

That said, about a week ago, some friends and I talked about getting together soon. One said, “We haven’t seen your new place! We should get together there!” and I don’t know what happened but…

A little bit of panic set in.

What if they think I’m poor because of how little I have? What if they feel they need to buy me stuff because I only have four glasses and two coffee mugs? What if they look in my bedroom, see my sparsely decorated room, and judge me for that? 

Wow. Right? I mean, I choose to live this way. So why am I so terrified of what others think? Because, y’all, despite all the memes about not giving a shit about what others think, not one of us is immune to society’s programming one hundred percent of the time. All of us, from time to time, feel vulnerable.

I asked a friend’s son a few weeks ago why he felt he needed such a fancy truck. Of course, he’s strapped for cash now that he bought a newer vehicle, and his reply was, “Chicks dig trucks. And good chicks dig nicer trucks.” I remember thinking, “Why would you want a snobby ‘chick’ like that?” But…didn’t I do the same thing when my closest friends asked to come over? Insecurity comes in all forms, I suppose.

Anyway, I’ve gotten over it and decided to invite people over. I told them to determine who has the best spine because that is who will be sitting on the floor. I don’t have room to seat more than five people. My dining table seats two. I have no room for overnight guests. And if you plan to shower, come on Mondays. I have four towels. Monday, they will all be clean.

Despite this, I told another friend that I’m maxed out on space I can physically and mentally handle. I work full-time, I’m a single parent, and I volunteer in my community. I have hobbies. I don’t want more rooms to clean and floor space to mop. 

Simplicity grounds me. I feel calm and peaceful when everything is in its place, yet still has a splash of that ‘lived in’ feel.

To me, simplicity offers five benefits I’ve desired for many years. I will always try to convince folks to live a simple lifestyle – and I have since 2011, when this blog first started. Of course, life gets messy sometimes with all it throws our way, so shouldn’t we rely on something ‘constant’ in those cases? Simplicity is my constant. 

So. Grab that drink. Settle in. I’m going to tell you about five ways simplicity benefits me – and you, should you accept this mission.

1. Less stress.

As I mentioned, I’m a busy gal. I don’t want to think about cleaning my house on my days off from work. My brain is often overloaded with my anxiety, so the less I have to look at, the calmer I am. I cannot function when things are messy. When I was a professional grant writer, my colleagues always knew when a deadline was approaching because I’d spend hours cleaning and reorganizing my office. I called it ‘pre-writing planning’. I had to do that before I could write. 

2. I save money.

I never set out to be a cheapskate, and I’m not one. Simplicity and rational minimalism are not really about frugality, although saving money seems to be a by-product of the lifestyle. Often, too, I can find things I need at thrift stores. I don’t buy other people’s junk for the sake of having more trash in my home. But when I can find a perfectly good Caphlone skillet for six bucks, and I need a skillet…I’m going to buy THAT skillet. I rarely go shopping as a pastime. Admittedly, during the COVID lockdown, I got pretty well-acquainted with my Amazon cart – a habit I’m still attempting to break. 

3. I’m pretty organized.

As I mentioned, I don’t function well in a messy space. The messiest area of my home is my desk. It always is, for which there is no excuse. But other than that, I pretty much know where everything I own is located. That’s not to say that I don’t have a junk drawer. I do. (And a few junk baskets, if I’m honest.) But ask me where that one little item is…and I most likely know where it resides. My car keys go in one place. My purse is in another. Backpacks, bandaids, extra bottles of Gatorade…all have a home. 

4. Less toys means more creativity.

Some people criticize the amount of time I let my kiddo spend on his tablet. But, it isn’t as though he’s just gaming all day. He’s creating games for other people. That’s different. In fact, that’s a skill set that can – and does – earn him a little bit of dough. I, too, have very few toys. This allows me to have more time to write. I enrolled in a 24 week front-end developer to gain marketable skills. After that, photography lessons. 

5. Simplicity provides space for what I truly value.

The most important person on the planet to me is my son. With less space and clutter to consume me, we can spend evenings together and take mini-roadtrips to see friends on the weekends. I can work on my own hobbies and I’m currently working through a 28-day challenge to keep my cleaning schedule intact. I am a bit stingy with my free time, but I do make time for those who are important.

So, my near-panic attack when my friend suggested coming over reinforced to me that my simple little life is okay. Of course, I’ve been living this lifestyle for a over a decade (with a few bumps in the road here and there). But, it is always good to reflect on the importance of it from time to time.

How about you, Dear Reader? What changes do you want to make to find simplicity in your little corner of the world? What do you already embrace as a practice? 

As always, here’s your song. I had no idea who Casey Abrams was until I found this little gem, but you can bet your bottom I’m going to be looking him up on Spotify this weekend. Enjoy your weekend, and try not to freeze to death.

This Is Progress

/ Denise

Good morning, Dear Reader. It. Is. Friday. And I don’t know if you can tell from how I typed that, but I. Am. Ready. I’ve got three books, and I can’t wait to cuddle up in an armchair with a little swig of Eagle Rare or Jefferson Reserve over one colossal ice cube with the likes of these smutty ‘romance’ tales. Before we get started…I need some recommendations: What are you reading, and is it worth it? Because my TBR pile is dwindling, and I’m in the market for some freshly pressed smut.

Anywho…today, I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts. June isn’t a fun month for me. I don’t know if it’s because my late brother’s birthday is the 22nd or because the one-year anniversary of losing my friend, Bill, is right around the corner, but it’s stirring up a little sadness. Plus, the full moon is Tuesday, and ‘they’ say it will be a doozy. (Who the fuck are ‘they’ anyway? I mean, really?)

I’ve been in my head a lot this week. I was thinking back to the disaster that was my life in 2019. I’m facing another week-long vacation from my kiddo as he goes to hang out with his other half of DNA, and I’m itching to get out of town. In 2020 I did this and headed to Florida. It was nine glorious days with zero schedule or responsibilities. I’m headed north this time, though, through Iowa and Minnesota. I’m trying out the Subie and will be camping along the way. Too hot in Florida for that business, that’s for sure. Fingers crossed. If the blog just up and goes dark, you’ll know I was murdered in cow country or kidnapped while trying to order tapioca.

What has been on my mind, you ask. Well. Let’s dive in.

Grab a drink. Settle in. I’m sharing the three things that are no longer the same as they were just two years ago.

1) I care less about you and care more about me. I know that sounds really horrid, but stick with me here. I was so far out of touch with what I needed in my life, from the food I wanted to eat to the places I wanted to rest my head at night, that I was a walking zombie. Really. I can barely remember 2017-2020. If you are one of those people who doesn’t believe in trauma responses, then, um…I need you to unsubscribe. Because trauma is real, people’s ways of coping with it are unconventional. Add a global pandemic and world economic disaster to the mix, and well, let’s just say there’s a good reason I switched from wine to whiskey. But, alas, no more. I come first. Repeat that in your head until you believe it: I. Come. First.

2) I’m okay with mediocre. I’m an overachiever. I always have been until this year. While I’m not okay with the status quo, I don’t need everything to be ‘epic’ to feel satisfied. To paraphrase Mitch Rossell: I’ve never been to Venice or danced under the Paris lights. I’ve never seen Willie Nelson live. But that’s alright. And honestly…it is okay. I’m just as happy curled up in an armchair rereading “One Day In December” sipping a mid-shelf bottle of Chardonnay as I am galivanting all over the world. In fact, I’m probably happier with the former, if I’m being candid.


3) I ask for help. Okay. Before anyone calls me out on this…I am better at asking for help – I’m not great at it. But progress is progress, and I’ve leaned on more than one friend over the last twelve months to get me to where I am. One gave me a really great job which boosted my confidence. One insisted I buy some perfume and skirts. One suggested I start taking Vitamin D3 with K2 and magnesium. Help is help, right? All of those things have been good for me. But my favorite: To the person who suggested I start watching Yellowstone. You are my hero.

Today’s post is short because I want to leave you with some questions and, of course, with your song (go on…click that link. You’ll like that song. It pairs nicely with a crisp Reisling and while I’m not really a sweet wine fan, I can support it this one time).

So…riddle me this:

1) Are you putting so many people ahead of your own needs? If so, why? And how can you ease up on that a bit?
2) Are you ‘trying’ too hard? I was. I gave up all volunteer roles, and ‘downsized’ my career a bit. Where can you adjust back to ‘mediocre’ and still be happy?
3) Are you asking for help? We lost several good humans to suicide in May (Mental Health Awareness Month, nonetheless). Don’t let life get to you. I’m always here and my patio is always open for a pour. Come on over and chat.

If you liked this post, feel free to share on all the socials. Please and thank you.

PS…I don’t think my life is ‘mediocre’ at all. To put this post in context, I invite you to read this post about living a mediocre life. It’s not at all what you think it might be.

A Poorly Managed F*ck Budget

/ Denise / 1 Comment

Good evening, Dear Reader. The quintessential Missouri summer has arrived, and my disdain for soupy air is suitable. It’s been so muggy out that even my cat is, like, “Yeah, um, no” opting to stay inside instead of killing moles. And this isn’t even hot weather. Can’t wait for July. And yes, in case you were wondering. That was sarcasm.

As I mentioned last post, I wondered if this – this writing thing – was something I could continue doing knowing only a few folks were reading. I decided to put out a ‘fleece’. For those not familiar with a ‘fleece’ in this context – it’s essentially a test of the Universe. Mine was simple: If I get twelve visitors, I’ll stay. So…here we are. You and I. Whiskey lovers and foul-mouthed friends, indeed, right?

My nine-year-old keeps telling me that fame and fortune come from having a YouTube channel, and while fame and fortune isn’t the end goal, I’ve been pondering this. WordPress also has a plug-in that can turn any blog into a podcast, and we all know how I loves me sum good podcasts. Of course, this would require me to have some kind of theme, and at the moment, I feel as though I’ve done an excellent job this year honing in on three specific topics: Being smart with money, reducing clutter, and being a somewhat responsible minimalist.

Um. Or not.

Speaking of that…gosh. The sale of this house has led me to realize that I absolutely suck at keeping purchases at bay. I have taken so much crap to the DAV Thrift Store over the last week, and I’m not yet done. Again, I ask you, how many magic markers does a grown woman need? My child has fewer toys than I do. And the number of weird kitchen gadgets? God. Where did these come from? I finally gave up and rehomed my Instapot. And what’s with this bread maker that found its way into my space when I am not really eating bread anymore? Sigh. Goofy, really.

Honestly? When something is missing in your life – and you can’t quite put your finger on what it is – it can be easy to try to fill the void. So last week, after my third trip to the donation center, at the stoplight by my favorite grocery store and Pineapple Whip, I asked myself: What the hell has been going on with you, Girl? The answer?

Grab a drink. Settle in. You’re gonna wanna hear this.

With every box I delivered, I felt freer. But I also questioned those other emotions bubbling to the surface (hello, INTJ much?). I felt something, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. But then, right after dropping off box number eight, it was there – like a redneck at a fried food stand at a carnival – halter top and all…

Shame.

Shame in all sorts of shapes and sizes. As I handed off some pretty good shit to the teenager doing community service, I realized every bit of that box represented a total failure in managing my fuck budget. (Not sure what a fuck budget is? Click here.) All. This. Money. Wasted. And not just money…the time I wasted at work to pay for it. And the energy I’ve expended to maintain it. I could have spent time, money, and energy on an experience with my child. Time, money, and energy could have been spent building my own home, writing my book, or becoming healthy. Time, money, and energy spent could have allowed me to move to the coast and buy a corner bar where I serve good wine and halfway decent whiskey with tapas to underdressed vacationers. (Yeah, I dream of this life.)

So why? Why did I waste all this time, money, and energy? What happened? I think it’s what happens to most of us, if we are honest with ourselves…

Sigh.

Because I could.

Let’s explore further, shall we?

  1. My income increased this year. But I hung onto the scarcity mentality. Most people, when their income increases, spend more and I was no exception. However, I had been living paycheck to paycheck for so long, that the scarcity mentality had crept into my headspace, and was living there rent-free. I was buying used items at thrift stores that I really didn’t love but thought I needed and hanging on to other things ‘just in case’. For the record, ‘just in case’ rarely happens.
  2. I gained the COVID-20. I wasn’t happy with my body, and when momma ain’t happy, she shops. There were other things, too. I was in a relationship that wasn’t healthy. I was in a job that was unhealthy. I lived in a home with a relative that brought all my triggers to the surface – again, unhealthy. It was a trifecta, I guess. So, I’ve changed my eating habits, I’m getting more rest, and moving my body in a way that works for me. I’m no longer tolerating unhealthy relationships in any form or shape, and I’m setting boundaries. I’m settling into work I enjoy, and I’m relocating. (Fortunately, my new fella doesn’t mind a thick gal, so that pressure is off. These changes are for me.)
  3. I wasn’t mindful. Mindfulness teaches us to be responsible for our feelings and intentions and to be present. I’ve volunteered a lot, worked on fixing the house, and spent many hours simply doomscrolling. I have not, however, been mindful. So, back to my roots. Back to some meditation and breath work. Back to making intentional decisions. Back to protecting my time, my energy, and my money. Essentially, back to managing the Fuck Budget.

So, what about you? Do you look around and see some misplaced emotions? Are you filling voids with people, items, or activities that are not good for your soul? What can you do to combat these things? For me, being intentional is…well…intentional. (I don’t know how else to explain that. Sometimes, as a writer, I’m amazed by how badly I can explain these things.)

For what it is worth, May is Mental Health Awareness Month so here’s your song for the weekend. Keep swimming, kids. Just keep going.

Also, if you are reading this, feel free to share out on all the socials. And, also also [sic]…my fiction writing is moving to another site. So, I will keep you in the loop. (Hint: Pseudonym).

All the best, Lovely Reader. I wish you peace. I wish you joy. I wish you…above all else…love. For love is the greatest of them all.

Seven Tips To Declutter

/ Denise / 2 Comments

Good morning, dear Reader! The weather this week is particularly fantastic here in the Ozarks. I wanted to get out with my super-awesome electric mower to make the front yard look spiffy but I got lazy. Again, I’m living amongst boxes, which can be overwhelming for a person who likes organization. The outdoors proves to be a safe haven from the chaos, so I took advantage of the weather and retreated outside as much as possible – but not by doing yard work.

I sit here with no plan today; I think I should go back to my roots and write about living a simpler life. I’m being extremely selective on what I’m packing this time around, and I’m not taking everything. I mean, I rarely take ‘everything’ when I move, but I’m really not taking everything this time. I’m wiping the slate clean and only taking those items I find useful and beautiful…which means my Instapot is not coming. I get it; some of you may have consumed the Instapot Kool-Aid. I, however, have not. So, yeah. Does anyone want an Instapot? And, while we are at it…out goes the bread maker, the extra sleeping bag, and the twelve-piece drinkware set. Jeez. I don’t even like twelve people, so why would I have twelve glasses? That just invites trouble.

Nevertheless, if you are so inclined, I thought I’d share how I’m deciding whether or not something goes to my next home. I do my best to declutter regularly and try to limit the items that come home with me in the first place. But, I’ll admit, amidst the pandemic, I’ve spent more time at home with my trigger-happy ‘add to cart’ fingers and 5% cash-back Amazon Store card, so I’ve seen an influx of unnecessary items (and debt). But, now that things are settling down a bit, maybe I can get back on track.

So, grab a drink. Settle in. I’m going to share with you my seven tips to decide whether something goes to Goodwill or not. It is Spring, after all. This is an excellent time to donate items or hold a rubbish sale – or garage sale, tag sale, yard sale…whatever you call it in your state/country. (What do you call it anyway? Comment below.)

Let’s go, shall we?

1) Am I saving this ‘just in case’? I don’t know why I hoard glass jars, but I do. I always think I’ll need them ‘just in case’. I prefer glass to plastic and they do come in handy because I buy a lot of food in bulk. I also like to give food away to friends – which absolves them from feeling like they need to return the empty container. So, besides my glass jar fetish, this ‘just in case’ business is for the birds. Just in case of what exactly? Do some research on what you actually need, just in case, and I promise you…it isn’t that remote from the VCR you no longer own or that weird egg slicer thingy.

2) Do I have duplicates of this item? Somehow I ended up with two huge glass mixing bowls. Also, I have a gazillion screwdrivers and three rakes. Not sure how or when that happened. Sigh. Anyway, duplicates usually show up when you have that ‘just in case’ mentality because you see something you like, buy it, and don’t get rid of the one it replaced. So, pull the trigger. I’m not kidding when I tell you I only have one skillet. It’s true. I only have one skillet.

3) Is this something I have worn in the last year? Piece by piece, I’m building a capsule wardrobe because research shows that we wear 20% of our wardrobe 80% of the time. If you don’t believe me, walk into your closet, employ the reverse hanger trick. When you wear something over the next six months, hang it back up correctly. In September (six months from now), go back in and look. Donate everything on a ‘backward’ hanger to charity. You didn’t wear it. You don’t need it. The only exception is that one outfit that is your “funeral outfit”, but for me, my funeral outfit is also my hot date outfit because it’s my little black dress. Not sure what that says about my personality, but there you have it.

4) Can I borrow this item if I really need to? Newsflash: Every person on the planet has a beverage cooler. So, I don’t need three of them. I’ve always been able to borrow a cooler and folding chairs and crockpots. (And probably an Instapot if I ever got the itch again, which I doubt will ever happen). If you are local, check out this Tool Library. I have an annual membership, and I’ve borrowed things like table saws, sawhorses, and leaf blowers. And, they are about to get a few donations of screwdrivers and rakes, so, lucky you.

5) Do I have space to store this? I don’t like stuff piling up in my garage so I recently rented a small storage facility to the tune of $50 a month. But, in going through it this week, I found myself with many camping cooking utensils – that I no longer need or want. The most ‘high maintenance’ thing I do while camping is making coffee in my french press. I’m more of the cheese and sausage and granola bar camper. I don’t like to cook while I’m home so imagine me out in the wild. I plan to cancel that storage facility once I get settled, store only what I need in my shed, and park in my garage without all the camping crap around me. Yay!

6) Am I keeping this out of obligation or guilt? Frankly, I don’t struggle with this too much, but you might. Over the last few years, I’ve made it clear to so many that experiences mean more to me than stuff. (I now get a lot of wine and whiskey on special occasions. Yay, me!) Additionally, I have zero child ‘art projects’. Yeah. Zero. When he brings home something cool he made in school, I snap a photo of it, and then…(gasp)…I chuck it. I may not win mother of the year, but I think that ship sailed long before I started throwing away his art projects. Amiright?

7) Do I love it? I have one pair of earrings I rarely wear, but they take up zero space and they are special to me. I have some gloves that belonged to my friend, Bill, who has passed away last year. My friend, Machell, has given me four beautifully crafted quilts she made with her own talented hands. Of course, I will keep all of those things. If you love something, you should keep it, no matter what. Just because I try to live simply doesn’t mean I’m not sentimental. I am just selective.

Hopefully, this gets you started on your garage, closet, or backyard shed. As always, I’m going to leave you with a song that fits a bit with today’s post. I’m feeling restless and I tend to declutter a lot when that happens. I find that the less I own, the less that owns me – which frees up a lot of time and energy to travel and do what I love. I just got back from New England, but I’ve been looking at camping equipment – and feeling the itch to get away again. It’s not a good combination – lol. Plus, the song is catchy. If you plan to clean this weekend, check out this ‘Good Vibrations 2022‘ playlist on my Spotify.

Until next time…bottoms up!

Show Me The Money 2

/ Denise

Good evening, Dear Reader. And it is…a good evening, right? You slept in a bed under a roof. You could have had breakfast, or maybe you actually did. You put on clean clothes – maybe. You picked up your phone or logged into some device to read this. In other words, you had choices, and that’s my point. If you have a job that pays (in the U.S.A.) $17+ an hour, you are making a living wage. If you have a running vehicle, a place to live, and food in your belly, you have more than 80% of the 7+Billion people on the planet. Stop being such a sourpuss.

We are continuing our Things To Let Go Of series, kicking off the new year with Bad Money Habits. If you want to go back to the beginning, click here. We started off with hitting on debt reduction and honestly, to recap, reducing debt (in theory) is simple. Reduce expenses, increase revenue. Don’t accumulate any more debt until you comfortably can pay for it. I say it is simple in theory because it really is nothing more than basic math. But, most of us got into debt or can’t save effectively because of our thoughts, feelings, and experiences surrounding money in the first place. I don’t have time to address that today – the entire first part of my blogging back in 2011-2015 was about getting out of the consumer mindset. You can go back to those, or really…watch this documentary and start reading my favorite blogger, Joshua Becker from start to present. I, literally, can not thank this man enough for getting me on my road to rational minimalism.

Managing money is easy. Managing our emotions about money is…well…a bit more complicated.

But. As promised…I’m moving into my ‘how to’ guide for raising your credit score. Grab a drink and settle in. I’m going to tell you how I raised mine from 480 to 720 in a little over 2 years.

  1. Get your reports. You are entitled to one free credit report from all three agencies one time a year. To monitor for identity theft or weird things on my credit, I don’t get all three of mine at once. I order TransUnion in January, Experian in April, and Equifax in November. That way, if something odd happens to appear, I’m not waiting an entire year to find out. I also subscribe to Credit Karma (and I look at that thing once a day, sometimes two because I’m a bit retentive.) Go on…put it on your calendar with a yearly reminder. Then mosey on over to this site and get your free report. Once you have your report, you’ll be able to list all your debt and decide what debt storm to use as I mentioned here to pay it off. You will also look for things that do not belong to you. I found a collection from Go Daddy on mine and I was able to dispute it (you can easily do this yourself, do not pay someone to do it for you) and start working with your creditors to move payment dates or to lower your interest. I recommend checking out this site for more detailed information.
  2. On-time, every time. I mentioned this in my last post, but I can not stress this enough. Late payments are a detriment to your score. A late payment on your mortgage can put a ding there that leaves quite a scar for a bit. If your payments fall in odd places (like three payments due on the 13th, but you don’t get paid until the 15th), then call your creditors and ask them if they will move your payment to another day (like the 16th, in this example). Some of them will. If they won’t, then sell a bunch of crap you no longer need or get a second job and put a month’s worth of living expenses into your account so, essentially, you are ‘ahead’ in the math game.
  3. Join a credit union with a ‘credit builder’ program. If you are local to SW Missouri (417-Land) I recommend this one or this one. Why a credit union (CU)? CUs are nonprofit organizations and many of them have financial literacy (financial wellness) programs to help people restore their credit. If yours does, then get on a first-name basis with the person in charge of that program. Use every resource and every piece of advice they give you. I mean, I like Dave Ramsey – I’ve seen him live and I agree with a lot of his methods – but I don’t idolize him. And I don’t follow 80% of his advice. So, if you drink his kool-aid…then you’re not gonna like the rest of what I’m going to tell you. 
  4. Get a ‘Secured Credit Card’ (SCC). Remember my ’emergency fund’ I mentioned last time? I took my emergency fund and applied for an SCC with it. An SCC is just that…secured. This means you have to give them YOUR money to ‘secure’ that card. I don’t have space to explain it, but you can read about it here. So. I got my SCC with my $1500 and it DOES function as my emergency fund 99.9% of the time. The other part of the time? I use it wisely to play a game. I use it to buy gas and pay for anything I buy online. NOW…I don’t buy things I don’t already have the money for – I just use the SCC because it is more secure for online purchases than using a debit card. Anything I would normally buy anyway (Netflix, gas, Spotify, toilet paper, dishsoap) is set up to be ‘charged’ on my card. Then I…
  5. Play the game. I pay for some of the expenses that hit every week. So, if my Netflix ($12) and Spotify ($10) hit my SCC on Tuesday, and I buy TP and Dawn at Walmart.com, I pay those charges on Friday so a payment is hitting my card every single week (Newsflash: You can pay your credit card bills more than once a month). Now…here’s where the game comes into play. Find out when your actual payment is due (Let’s say it’s due on the 20th), figure out what 30% of your credit limit is (Let’s say it is $300), and find out when the Credit Union is going to report to the credit agencies (Let’s say they report on the 24th). Armed with this information…make the MINIMUM payment due on or right before the due date (In our scenario – the 20th). Make sure you have JUST UNDER the 30% left on the day they report to the credit agency (I’ll usually pay my Verizon bill on the 21st and get gas so that I’m right under BUT NOT OVER that 30% of credit limit threshold). Then, on the first of the month, I pay the balance in full and start the clock for the next month. That seems complicated now that I type it out, so I recommend the video on this page.
  6. Diversify your debt. You’re about to see why I go off the rails when it comes to Dave Ramsey’s advice. I use debt and credit to my advantage and I use it wisely. I do not subscribe to the ‘have no debt’ and we may not agree here. You do you. But, back to my point on diversified debt. You’ll need an installment loan (i.e. Car loan, student loans, etc.), a revolving credit line (I have my SCC, a store card, and a credit card for a home improvement store – which comes in handy when remodeling), and finally, a mortgage loan THAT YOU CAN AFFORD. I know my credit score will most likely not increase much more than where it is now until I add a mortgage to my list of creditors. I am okay with this. A note if you are renting: See if you can talk your rental agency/landlord into using a service that reports to the credit bureaus. (Word of caution: Now you’ll be on the hook to pay rent on time so DO THAT!). Lastly, Experian will do a ‘boost’ a few times a year and bring in things like your cell phone company and some utility agencies. I share a home with a relative. The mortgage loan is in her name, but my name is on all the other expenses (Cable, utilities, etc.). I use the Experian boost (It’s free!) once a year. This is only effective if you pay those bills on time. You don’t want bad stuff hitting your credit reports.

    So yeah. That’s it really. I think I mentioned that I am working on getting my student loan debt down to 50% of what is owed over the next ten years. Why just 50%? Because I’ve worked with my loan company to get on a specific repayment plan that allows for student loan forgiveness after on-time payments over so many years. To be transparent, I wouldn’t be mad if Biden and his administration got their shit together to forgive student loan debt BUT I do understand that I made the decision to go to school and I made the decision to take on debt related to that endeavor. I own all of that responsibility. But, since most of what would be left would be interest anyway so I can sleep at night knowing I paid what I borrowed. In other words…I don’t feel guilty about using the tools at my disposal when it comes to paying down that debt.

    Notice we still haven’t talked about budgets. We’ll do that next time. Want a head start? Okay, then. Stop buying shit you don’t need and start paying for the shit you already bought. That doesn’t seem too hard to understand, but then again, I’m an INTJ so I can be a bit abbrasive. You want someone nicer to hold your hand through all of that? Then go on down to that Credit Union. They’ll even give you a lolipop. Ain’t that sweet?


    That’s all I’ve got today. I don’t even have a really good song that ties into this post at all, so how about I just leave you with this one: Wind & Sky. Brandon Moore is a local singer/songwriter in my hometown and just a f*cking good human. You can’t help but smile in his presence. Wind & Sky is one of my absolute favorite songs on the planet. I want it played on loop at my funeral, I like it that much. You’re welcome.

Show Me The Money

/ Denise

You remember that quote, right? Please, for the love of all things good and holy do not tell me I’m so old that you don’t remember that quote, Dear Reader. I’ve been searching YouTube for ideas to share with you on this snowy day and I have to admit…I’m a bit overwhelmed. There is SO MUCH to tell you that I’m SO HAPPY this is a ‘series’ because this post would be a million words long if I tried to cram it into one piece. It reminds me, though, of my journalism days – researching theories and stories, finding sources to back up my words. All that jazz. The cool thing is though…this isn’t a journalism story so I can be as biased and opinionated as I want. And you know that rings my bell – Amiright?

Anyway, we are kicking 2022 off with the list I mentioned here, starting with Bad Money Habits. I beg your pardon? I remember specifically telling you that we would not cover the list in any particular order, so that’s where we are going to start. My blog. My rules.

I must begin by being super transparent, though. First, even as a rational minimalist, I would never call myself ‘cheap’. I like nice things just like anyone else, but since I embraced this lifestyle about ten years ago, I would describe myself as more of a quality over quantity kind of gal. In fact, embarrassingly, I spend a huge chunk of my “entertainment budget” on massage therapy and expensive facial products. I recently spent more money on a bottle of perfume than I’ve spent on perfume entirely in the last decade. I traded my Buick for a Subaru. I mean, I have upgraded considerably, but I don’t feel like I overspend or waste money. Every expense comes out of a line item on the budget. No money? No buying.

Secondly, just two short years ago my credit score was 480. Yup. I kinda take responsibility for that. I mean, you have to work really hard to NOT pay your bills to sink that low. However, let me also put this out there: I trusted someone else to pay the bills. In other words, I was the paycheck, he was the ‘money manager’ – and well, he sucked at it. It was until the “money manager” walked out on me did I realize just what a mess he’d made. I was broke. I was jobless. I was fucked. But I take full responsibility for my part of this problem.

Lastly, I’m well-educated and I have white privilege going for me. I do not take this for granted and never have at any point in my life. As long as you keep that in mind, we will be better able to understand one another. The best thing that ever happened to me was having the opportunity to take a position with a local nonprofit where my fancy title was “Director of Financial Stability”. In this role, I taught people about managing money and working with a personal budget. Funny thing, though? The salary wasn’t even a living wage. I was, literally, employed and teaching other people about managing money while my child was enrolled in the free lunch program at school and we were getting all his clothes free from the PTA clothing bank. Ironic how the Universe works, huh? With all the grit and gratitude I could muster, I decided that was bullshit. I got up, dusted off, and moved on – making significant changes as I did it.

So, together, we are letting go of many things this year as I wrote about here. We are starting with my financial story and how I got myself out of a big mess. This transparency and advice will hopefully enable you to let go of Bad Money Habits. Don’t worry. This topic is a big animal. And how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Keep that in mind.

We are going to start with the basics today. So. Grab a drink. Settle in. Let me share with you my fuck ups and my comebacks in hopes you can use my example to let go of your bad habits.

  1. Mind your money. That image above really says it all. Right now you may feel out of control because of where you are financially. But minding your money involves several steps, and the most important of all of them is Do. Not. Let. Anyone. Else. Have. Complete. Control. Over. Your. Finances. In other words, Your money, your responsibilty. Since the majority of you, Dear Readers, are women, I recommend a book by Suze Orman (love her or hate her, doesn’t matter) called “Women & Money”. Find it used. Buy it new. Get it from the library. Listen to the audiobook. I have no attachment to how you get ahold of it – just get it. Men, same goes for you. You can’t bitch about the fact that your wife spends spends spends if you don’t know where the money is going. I also recommend watching videos or reading books about money every day (I’ll post some of my favorites at the end of this series). As Stephen Covey said “Begin with the end in mind”. By reading or watching videos about managing money and debt, it keeps your thoughts in the end zone.
  2. Set up an emergency fund. After you decide to take control of your finances, this is THE first step. I don’t care what anyone else says to you…this is your first step. According to Forbes, the U.S. poverty rate nationally is 13.4%. This means that 13.4% of the national population lives below the poverty line. Over 70% of Americans would be financially devasted if faced with a $400 or more emergency (Like, um, a refrigerator dropping dead or having to buy two new tires for the only car used to get you to and from work). Ideally, your emergency fund should equal $1,000 for the first person in your home and an additional $500 for any others. So, for me and my son that would be $1,500. I saved $2,000 first and squirrelled it away in our emergency fund (Sorta…more to come on that). Again, emergencies are new tires, new car batteries, a new refrigerator when the other one breaks down, etc. etc. Emergencies are not that trip to Disneyland, kayaks or skis, roller skates, a down payment on a boat, etc. You get that, right? To be brutual…not having an emergency fund makes you prime prey for predatory lenders. Let’s not feed them anymore. (I love this organization. Check it out.)
  3. Choose your storm and attack your debt. List out all of your debts (include those in collections). List them by columns: Creditor name, total owed, monthly payment, and interest rate. Choose a Debt Reduction Storm: Either the Snowball method or the Avalanche method attack the debt. Compare them. (Here’s a new one for you: The Debt Tornado. Hmmm.) I personally used the Snowball method because I needed instant satisfaction and enpowering feelings of crossing the debt off the list, but in hindsight, I personally think the Avalanche method is more effective and smarter. With that method you spend less on interest even though it takes longer to cross the debt off the list as paid. (Those purple words lead you to links to explain those methods in depth.) In terms of those accounts in collections…well…we will touch on those in another post. If that makes you nervous, maybe this will help: Those accounts have already fucked with your credit score. They can’t hurt you anymore now so we will worry about them later. (One elephant. Tiny bites. Got it?) *Side note…I’m using the Avalanche method now with my student loans – which is the only debt I really have.
  4. Pay on time, every time. Remember, we are on a journey that includes reducing debt AND raising your credit score (not one then the other…). With your debts listed and a pay-down storm-of-choice method chosen, I can’t stress paying your bills on time, every time enough. This is the number one way to get that credit score moving in the positive direction and even though it will take some time to move the needle, it’s the ONLY way to move the needle at the moment. Credit cards are the most damaging to your budget and to your credit score, so make sure you pay them first, then your vehicles, then your cell phone (right?? who knew) then your mortgage/rent. This is a game and the game is won by the first person who beats everyone else to the finish line. In this case, credit card companies are used to people like you and so are cell phone companies (Fuck you, Verizon. Really). They are used to people not paying so they have incredibly high late payment fees and interest. They also report to credit bureaus faster than any other creditors. They know how to win by taking your money and charging you more for the priviledge of paying late, so beat them at their own game. Pay the minimum payments on all your debt FOR NOW until you build up your emergency fund…but pay that ON TIME. Mortgage and vehicles come next. Rent…well…it takes three months for them to evict you and even though there is a late payment fee most likely…it’s low AND eviction is costly for the rental company. In fact, most of rental agencies do not report to the credit bureaus unless you go into collection. My advice? Communicate and negotiate with all your creditors. Play by their rules – afterall, you agreed to them – but get better at the game. Again, always pay credit cards first. Period. Also…about those cards…do not close them (we will get to that later) but also, do not use them anymore for now. (We will discuss responsible use of credit much later in the series). When it comes to paying your bills on time, I don’t recommend automation (auto bill pay) unless you are just forgetful as hell. I think you need to LOOK at your finances every month (I look at mine Every. Single. Day – sometimes more than once. Yes, OCD. So? That’s how I caught two charges for Wal-Mart around Christmas that I didn’t make, so there). If the payments all fall around the same time each month, and it is difficult for you financially, try asking the creditor if they’ll move the payment. For example, I get paid on the 15th and the 30th of the month. I have half my bills due on the 1st and the other half on the 16th. That way I’m not hit with a huge group of expenses all at once and it helps with my forcasting (see…no words on budgeting just yet…). This video explains the game. Watch it.
  5. Make more, spend less. You notice I STILL haven’t even mentioned a budget yet, right? That’s because budgets don’t work if your expenses are more than your income. My favorite Dave Ramsey quote is “You can’t outearn foolishness.” Your days of spending more than you earn are over. Remember that rather expensive MBA degree I have? It comes in handy sometimes. In business when things are tight, the first things companies do: Decrease overhead (fire people, sell assets, etc) or they increase revenue (get more clients, sell more to people). Successful companies do both at the same time. I worked for a nationally recognized nonprofit when COVID first hit. Sadly, in July of 2020, 23 of my favorite people lost their jobs due to a ‘reduction in force’ AND the organization sold its main headquarter’s building going to a ‘Virtual First Workforce’ plan (which is just a fancy way of saying everyone is working from home now). BUT, they also dumped a ton of money into digital marketing which grossed 48 MILLION that year – the best year ever in fundraising revenue and it was during a global pandemic. Smart. Very smart. You need to do the same thing. Decrease expenses AND increase revenue. So, yeah. You’ll need another job – I recommend a side hustle. I was fortunate that I had been a licensed massage therapist before I got my MBA. So, I relicensed and went to work a few evenings and weekends a month making about $30 (pay+gratuities) an hour. Also…here’s where I piss you off…you can only make it so far with canceling cable and cutting out lattes. Your biggest expenses are: Housing (2800+ square foot homes for three people? Hmmm), Big Person toys (campers, beach front condos or timeshares, boats, four wheelers, etc.) and Vehicles ($50,000 Suburbans? You know there are people in who under bridges, right?). That said, I didn’t go without wine or streaming services during the leanest of times. Yeah, I may have purchased cheaper wine…and only had one streaming service, but come on. If HBOMax is your only source of entertainment (because you aren’t going to the movies right now…) then don’t cut it. I also don’t mess around with people’s cigarette/drinking habits or tithing – because I know it’s not an argument I’m going to win. My point is: No one wants you to be a grouchy asshole because you have nothing pleasureable in your life. But that boat? You aren’t going to have time to use it or maintain it because of your second job – so sell it. Buy one later if you can afford it, but for now…nope. FB Marketplace the shit out of it and any thing else you no longer need. There will always be another day to rent a kayak. My favorite minimalist quote is “You don’t have to organize the things you don’t own.”

I have so much more to tell you and to recommend to you, but it will all come with time. Remember, we’ve got a game plan, and this month’s plan is to help you let go of BAD MONEY HABITS. These first few tips will get you started.

In closing, I want to emphasize this: Money can be scary for some of you. The scarcity mentality is a real thing and shame around money doesn’t lend itself (puns are fun!) to getting you into a mindset of success. Face that fear. Everyone on the planet has made a mistake they are ashamed of (poor financial decisions, marriages, that last donut…) so get up, dust off, move on. Remember our 2022 motto?

Chin up, tits out. You got this.

Oh! I almost forgot your song. But I didn’t. I can almost visualize the pole dancers every time I hear this song. And I’m doing this for you, Dear Reader, because I can’t tell you how much I loathe Pink Floyd. You’re welcome.

The “Work/Life Balance” Myth

/ Denise

Today’s title is a bit misleading, dear reader. I’m sorry. It was a good hook, though, right? The truth is I don’t believe there is such a thing as ‘work/life balance’. I believe there is work. I believe there is life. And I believe the two must learn to play well together. The idea of a work/life balance is as foreign as the idea that relationships are 50/50. When, if ever, have relationships been 50/50? Someone is always giving, at minimum, 51%.

So, recently, I was asked to speak to a group about how to make work more simple. If I’ve learned anything on my simplicity journey, it is that the lessons must span across all aspects of one’s life or true freedom, joy and contentment cannot be reached. This includes letting go of the myth that one can ‘find balance’. You can not simply ‘find balance’. One must set (and vigilantly guard) boundaries.

Boundaries create balance. No seeking, searching, or finding is necessary.

What are some of the boundaries I recommend for achieving the goal of keeping work and life playing nicely together? There are many but these are my top five to get you started:

Fire bad clients. “But she tips so well!” – not if she doesn’t regularly show up or cancels on you at the last minute. I don’t care how big the tip is, she does not value what you do. Make room for someone who does. (This can also be applied to your personal life. I regularly ‘fire’ people from my social circle for many energy-draining reasons. I recently met with someone I had considered a long-time friend. After the meeting I realized “Wow. I really don’t like him” and vowed that I wouldn’t waste another afternoon meeting with him.)

Stop working so much. If you are working the weekends I have three truths for you that you need to face: 1) You have too much work. Delegate. (This is RARELY the case, by the way). 2) You don’t set boundaries on your time therefore you work at being busy, but you are rarely productive (Am I getting warmer?) and 3) You are avoiding something. Something at home, something you need to do (Exercise, meditate, relax…?); something that would raise your productivity level instead of your ‘busy’ level.

Stop the Social Media Cycle. If you own a small business, I have something to tell you: No one gives a crap about your business’ Facebook page. And the political drama and cat photos you’ve been posting on your personal page? Well, they’ve blocked those too. Stop telling yourself that the hour you spend on Facebook (Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, etc. etc. etc.) is ‘effective marketing’. It is not.

Stop spending more than you earn. If you stop spending more than you earn you can stop working so much. This entire blog started for me because I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Read my history and know that it is okay to downsize.

Have clear direction (For your career…business…life…relationship…). It is easy to make decisions when you know, without a doubt, what values you hold dear. If you want to be the best massage therapist in town, for example, then stop wasting time with body wraps, sugar scrubs, and the newest fads. Study massage therapy. Study how you can fix someone’s problem with massage therapy. Stay true to your noble path and stop chasing rainbows (unless those rainbows happen to be on your path then by all means frolic your heart away.)

I’ve been there. I’ve had jobs dangled in front of me that I’m qualified to do, but that I have no interest in because it would mean I’d have less time to hang out with my kiddo. I’ve been there, struggling to find the point in the which all aspects of my life met in the middle, never tipping on end or the other. So, yeah. I sought balance and tried every silly thing under the sun to ‘find’ it. It wasn’t until I set my boundaries and started following the advice above did peace reveal itself. If you need help with this…I’m here for you. I’m rooting for you. I know it is hard, but I believe you can do it.

Enjoy your week. I hope the team you are rooting for wins tonight. Here’s your song for the week. Time flies, for sure. Slow down, smell the whiskey.

Clean Up Your Act – Five Easy Ways To Get Started

/ Denise

Missouri’s winter usually comes in January and February, so we’ve been experiencing a bit of colder weather here. I don’t mind it, though. These are perfect months for home and self-improvements. January has been no exception.

After watching The Minimalists’ newest documentary (Less Is Now) on Netflix, I decided to accept the challenge offered at the end to jump start my way back into regaining a life of simplicity. The challenge was to give away 465 things over one month. You start on day one, getting rid of one item. On day two, you get rid of two items. Day three, three items. You see where I’m going with this. I challenged many of my friends to do the same thing: Watch the documentary. Do the challenge.

Here’s what one friend said halfway through:

Thirty days is definitely not enough time to get rid of everything I need to, but I do feel less intimidated by the idea of tackling some of the most cluttered areas such as my boy’s closet, the garage, and my craft cabinet. Normally I would get so overwhelmed with going through stuff that I felt defeated and gave up. Forcing myself to ditch stuff has been liberating and it gets easier each day. I’ve started asking myself if it’s worth packing if I moved… that has helped.

Amanda M. – Springfield, MO

But some of us are overwhelmed by the idea of getting rid of nearly 500 items. Except, I don’t think we realize that an old filing cabinet offers thousands of single sheets to meet our decluttering win ratio. As did many of my friends, I found that the overwhelming urge to chuck it all was almost impossible to shake by the fifteenth day. Starting with one item, then two, then three, and so on propelled us into this beautiful world of letting go of what we don’t need.

I’ve written about letting go of emotional baggage, but it’s been a long time since I’ve discussed letting go of actual physical clutter. I guess because I started thinking, “There are just so many ways you can tell people to throw shit away.” But, clearly, from those taking on this challenge there’s still a need to advise and help.

I have LOVED this process and even more that my husband got on board too!

Dedee C. – Republic, MO

Let me be clear about one thing, though. I have little to no emotional attachment to material items. In my home, I can list about ten things I would grab should my house ever catch on fire and three of those are handmade quilts given to me by one person. So that narrows it down to seven items, and as I sat here trying to list them for my satisfaction, I couldn’t even come up with ten. So – my point – I don’t know if I can offer you much to address the psychological issues of holding on to things. I’m just not wired like that. Clutter gives me even more anxiety than I already have daily.

So, how do I do it? How do I easily get rid of clutter? Well, settle in. I’m about to tell you. But first, let me say I’m not perfect. I’m surprised that I quickly found items to discard or donate, but I, too, have been holding on to things. I journaled about why last night, and that’s another blog for another time, but I think I worked through some of the emotional reasons why I had gotten to the point where I was holding on to things I no longer needed.

My advice? Take baby steps. Small actions, taken every day, end up being the way to success. You don’t lose thirty pounds by fasting one day and running ten miles. This requires a series of small steps taken every day consistently to meet that goal. Living a life of simplicity is just like that: small steps, every day.

So here are some ways to get started:

  1. Do the challenge. If I told you to get 500 things to discard today, you’d say to me you don’t even know where to start or that you don’t have time. I’d believe either of those excuses. But, start at the beginning of one month and for each day, get rid of that number of items. And do it in February. It’s a short month.
  2. Pretend you are moving. Seriously. This really does work. People ask me how I can stay on top of this. Well, I’ve moved 18 times in 15 years. It’s hard to get emotional about stuff when you know you have to carry a box containing it. Plus, this Ted Talk always helps me focus, too. I love Graham Hill and Life Edited. He says “Edit ruthlessly.” I agree. Cut. The. Cord.
  3. Start with the easy stuff. My closet is always the first place I start. There’s even a fancy free printable calendar for you. The summary: Discard anything torn, has holes, or in need of repair you can’t do yourself. And by discard, I don’t mean “donate”. No one wants this stuff. Then decide what you will sell, donate, or give away to people you know. This includes things that are dated, no longer fit, or just haven’t been worn in over a year. We wear twenty percent of our clothing eighty percent of the time. So, if you still have stuff left, turn your hangers around so that the hook faces the wall. When you wear the item, rehang it correctly. You can discard whatever is still hanging with the hook facing the wall at the end of six months. You aren’t wearing it for some reason. And you won’t. So bite the bullet and let it go. I wrote about this way back in 2013 and it’s a good reminder.
  4. Move to the kitchen. My kitchen used to be a colossal cave of clutter, which I wrote about here. But not anymore. If you have more than two items of the same thing, you can declutter the extra items. My guy has four rubber spatulas (that I know about). He tells me he needs all of them. This is not true. The truth is, he doesn’t do his dishes every day, and he’s too unfocused to wash a spatula in the middle of preparing his meals. How do I know this? Because I have one. I’ve only had one since 2010, when I got rid of the other six. Is it convenient? Not always. (Love you, baby. Really.) But no one needs six rubber spatulas. No one.
  5. Move to the bathroom. I get that this is a tough one. Makeup and designer face creams are expensive. But I know I don’t need six daily moisturizers. And, well, you don’t either. So start discarding here. I repurposed a half bottle of shampoo by using it to shave my legs, but other than this, I was able to get rid of nearly thirty items.
  6. Check your meds. Expired medications and expired over the counter products can go. Just don’t toss them or flush them. Check with your local pharmacy on the best way to get rid of these items. Sometimes local fire departments will take them, as well as Wal-Greens.

These are quick ways to get started. You have to stay on top of this, and admittedly, I haven’t. So I will do the challenge for two months. I’ve already donated and thrown away over 1000 items since January 1st. And folks, I’m pretty organized. So, if I have this many items…um…so do you. (I get this is a very privileged statement. I will write about that later, too.)

As always, here’s your song for the day. It has absolutely nothing to do with letting go, but if you are cleaning you need a song to get yourself motivated.